maybe mom was right.

I like to think that i really enjoy psychology and enjoy college and filling my mind with new information that is going to somehow benefit me either by getting me somewhere in my career or somewhere regardless of career.  But when i really think about it, that isn’t quite the truth.

I really enjoy college.  I really enjoy hearing my professors talking about crazy Freud and all of his psychosexual theories.  I really enjoy watching television shows and documentaries that talk about things that i am interested in(like mythbusters, planet earth, anything on the discovery channel). Mueseums spark an interest in me that could keep my mind occupied for days.  Anything partaining to people and the human experience; I’m there.

But, after some thought, I have realised that i am going to college as a means to an end.  I am here because i know that i have to be here and learn these things to be able to love people in the capacity that i desire, and to the capacity that i will desire more and more. I was talking with my mom earlier this week, and she told me that she it concerned her that i didn’t seem interested in my classes, and that worried her.  And she is right.  I’ll go to class. But i try to spend time outside of the classroom expanding my knowledge on the subject via reading the textbook or what have you, and I always just crash and burn.  My desire to do this doesn’t reach far enough to compel me to read my textbook, or go to study groups.  I just do the minimal amount of work that will get me the grade i need to get out of here so i can do what i want to do- whatever that is.  Love People- In one way or another.

One thing that keeps me here- the people.  I love being in college for the experiences that i get with the people that i have grown to love and the people that i continue to meet and grow to love.

Relationships.

for the time that i have here that i will never have again. ever.

So, maybe it’s okay. for me.  just to get by.  But right now i am not positive that i am okay with that. just getting by.

Royal Flush.